the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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