i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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