GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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