dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I faked an abortion last night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
