member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
