Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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