will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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