its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
