Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We need to get me chipped asap
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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