I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
