Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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