How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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