Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
