I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
