i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
