After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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