i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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