Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
