I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
