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That's how twitter works, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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