Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize