come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
