my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
