from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize