I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
