what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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