Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
