im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
