Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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