end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
