A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
