That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
