I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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