Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
