(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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