this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
