I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
