No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
