How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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