New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
