omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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