i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
