I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
