I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
