I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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