Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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