the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just tell him i said nine months
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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