never play flip cup with pint glasses
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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