A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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