I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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