ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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