So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
