i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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