Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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