I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
