I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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