In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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