Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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