pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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