i would punch a child for taco bell
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
