whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
