I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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