so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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