They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
