I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
