Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Boobs are out for the taking
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
