He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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