was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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