I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
