We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
