she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
did i walk over a car last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
